I've seen parts...

That is one of my pet peeves. When you ask someone if they've seen a movie and they say, "I've seen parts" what they mean is they saw a commercial or the trailer or an ad in the paper. I hear this all the time and it makes me nuts. Why not say, "No, I haven't" or "I saw a preview on Entertainment Tonight"? At least then I know not to talk much about it. I believe people do this so they don't look stupid. I want to make this clear to those that think this, not having seen a movie or seen a TV show or heard a CD or played a game or read a book does not make you stupid. In fact, sometimes actually having done one of those things can make you feel dumber and potentially may kill off brain cells (I haven't seen any research on this so it's a guess). This blog may be hazardous to your intellect, who knows? But one thing I can say with certainty is you are not stupid for not having read it.

My friend Chris used to get mad if you would say something like, "How have you not seen that movie? It's a classic." This would really upset him since, to his point, nobody has seen everything and he was positive he's seen things he loved that you hadn't. He shouldn't be made to feel bad for not having seen something. In fact, depending on what it is he might be commended for not wasting his time (Sex and the City Movie, I'm looking your direction).

I guess the bottom line is this, as I write this blog and meet you in day to day life, please don't say you've seen parts, just tell me no or yes and whether or not you would like to. Or better yet, see, hear and do everything I do before we talk so I can feel comfortable and we can have a dynamic conversation.

Vidtastic update: Are you kidding me, we've been watching movies and show like crazy. I think I'll just start listing them and saying great or don't bother. Everything else is worth wasting time with. My XBox360 got a red ring of death (this is number 2 for me) so I've been playing Wii whatever and Metal Gear Solid 4, babyon the PS3! Man do I love that monkey in a diaper.

You've got me irate Jenny McCarthy

Today I finally took our bedding to the laundromat. It's one of those activities that is not difficult and really doesn't take much time but I will put it off with every excuse I can muster. The bottom line is I can be lazy to a point that I'm not proud of. I can be so lazy that I will sit and watch "Maury" or "Funniest Home Videos" just because it takes too much effort to stand up and grab my XBox 360 controller. Said controller is literally 3 steps away, 1 if I stretch, and the game is already in, yet I just won't get off my every increasing butt. I will lie to anyone to just get out of going places and having to do things and I fell that's wrong on every level. I do it anyway. Not good. It would do me good to live "Liar Liar" for a week. See if I can do it. Of course the drawback here would be that Jenny McCarthy would be inexplicably attracted to me at that point and I would have to tell her the truth, HAVE TO, about how much I love my wife and I would also have to admit to Jenny that her infatuation was manipulated and I know this would be a deal breaker.

So in conclusion, I am drawing a line in the sand _________________________________ and doing my best to be totally honest with everyone (both blond and brunette Jenny's) and to turn off my laziness. I even had to fight my laziness off just to write this. We'll know if I'm successful if there is another post to this blog in a timely manner.

I'm 40 and it's time to grow up. Now I'm off to play Little Big Planet. Do not judge me.

It's a new year and a new me

I should do a Jenny Craig ad.

"I've lost 2 ounces of disgusting fat off my middle finger and I feel fabulous!"

That's right, I'm a little lighter these days and I have a 1978 Bolens snow blower to thank. It's my fault and yes it could have been worse and I'm so lucky and blah blah... enough. It's a small piece of a finger and honestly, it really didn't hurt. The pain of having to hear everyone else's "slicing a finger" stories is much worse. Why is it that whenever we experience some sort of discomfort in our lives, people love to tell you about there similar experience and no matter how much pain you may be in at the time, you have to sit there and empathize with them or their friends third cousin who got a paper cut that could have turned ugly if it had been deeper.

I used to experience this same thing when I admitted I was an actor to people. I always had to hear about how they had done a commercial in college or their uncle was in community theater or whoever else I didn't care about was so much more successful than me. It's similar to this blog. You are choosing to read this so I have no problem talking about whatever is rattling on in my head. I thank you but I also understand that you may not read every word I right and I'm okay with that.

My niece Katherine told me it's called Canterbury Syndrome. My theory is this name comes from when Chaucer was writing the Canterbury Tales and as he tried to tell his tale at Ye Olde Barnes and Noble, some jackass or two had to interrupt him to tell their own, much lamer Canterbury tales.

So in conclusion, I never read the Canterbury tales and don't know if anyone lost a finger in it, but if Toro, Ariens or Craftsman are looking to tap into the weight loss market, please keep me in mind as your Jared.

Videoholic Update! I was down for almost a week but I'm back. Played a lot of Wii the last couple days and that's about it. Kung Fu Panda is Kung Furiffic. I can do without any more Christmas shows for awhile.

Fashion Forward

I've noticed people not only fall into a rut with their wardrobe but they gravitate towards a uniform that defines them. For example, Martha just made me get rid of my "Hawaiian" shirts. Not because they looked bad on me, not much does, but because they scream bad comedian. I was never a comedian but I did adopt the look by osmosis. I was around it a lot and watched it a lot and was an improviser so the look kind of organically grew on me. I also find that Converse shoes also fit this prototype. I happen to like Hawaiian shirts and Converse shoes but when I take a hard look at who else is wearing them, Goodwill is the only answer.



Teachers love theme sweaters.



Real Estate Agents love Talbots.



Band geeks love ill fitting jeans and shlumpy T-shirts. Oops - I fit in that category too.



I can go on, and will to Martha when I'm done writing this, ad nauseum, but for now that's a good start.

By the way, I write this in an ill fitting T-shirt, Sponge Bob boxers and grey out door socks like a hunter would wear. The only thing I apparently hunt for is compliments.

Stuffed Green Peppers

Until 2 nights ago I had never eaten a stuffed green pepper. This is not strange if you know anything about my eating habits. I have texture problems with vegetables that are crunchy; celery, peppers, onion, etc. But in my never ending quest to explode I felt the need to expand my horizons and try stuffed green peppers. I am so glad I did. Not only were they delicious but I discovered the continuing benefit of green pepper burps. It's amazing to me that the flavor stays with you for so long. In fact it wasn't until earlier today that I finally stopped tasting them. Don't get me wrong, this is not unpleasant. In fact, I wish a lot of foods had this kind of staying power. I actually think it would curb some of my eating since I am so satisfied by the flavors of my burps.

I know this sounds crazy but a couple years ago Mark Traudeau (I think that's right but don't really care to find out) was advertising a pen that had the scent of delicious foods. The idea was that you would smell the pen and it would satisfy the craving. He may have been half right, because as I enjoy the green peppery ground turkey and couscous belches that are billowing up out of me, I don't really want to throw anything else in there. Were he got it wrong is if I didn't get to eat the "meal" that the pens smelled like, I would most certainly not only would have ended up chewing the pen until it was as bland tasting as Bubble Yum after 5 minutes but would have had to get me some of whatever that "meal" was ASAP.

By the way, I did try his "Mega Memory" tapes and have to say I have no idea if they work either. I lost interest in them after 1 tape and literally forgot about them until now, 17 years later.

So to wrap this up, I would like to point out that I ate Stuffed Green Peppers again this evening. The burps are already underway and very welcome. Imagine if I could burp the chocolate cake, M&M cookies, Burrito Suisa, peanut butter toast, double shot latte, almond Swiss cheese, ABC potatoes (stolen off Molly's plate), and every other thing that went into my belly today. After a few weeks of this, I may actually loose weight.

I'm waiting for that book deal...

Videoholic update: No gaming today but yesterday I did finish Drake's Fortune. I kicked Spanish zombie butt. This was however a 2 movie day (beat that Quint!). "Charlie Wilson's War" was Hankstastic. See it however you do that sort of thing. Second up was "Wind Chill". If your up for a ghost story that was B-level written all over it, this is a must see. One spot scared Martha so much, we had to call a chiropractor in.

So this is where it begins...

Welcome to my blog! I haven't really thought this through yet since I was just goofing around so don't expect much in the line of high quality content. In fact, this may be as good as it ever gets...

Believe it or not, this is day 2 and all I've written is the first 3 sentences and ditched the rest to write this nugget. Pretty sweet, huh? We had quite the day yesterday. Martha's brother, Mike, and his wife, Lisa, had a little boy named Drew. Just as we were about to leave, car warming in the driveway, Mike called and told us not to come. Drew was in intensive care. Before you get too freaked out let me tell that everything is going to be fine. Just some trouble keeping the food down. This caused some distraction around the Southgate house though so blogging had to take a back seat. I hope you're understanding blog-o-sphere...

Today's game - Drake's Fortune. Got my ass handed to me by Incan Zombies last night. Time to take out the Incan Zombie trash.